I've had an extremely emotional week. I've been sad, very angry, irritated beyond belief, frustrated, upset, anxious, and stressed. I've also been hopeful and maybe even a little bit excited about whatever the Lord has in store for us.
It has taken me 28 years to figure out......I am a control freak. Oldest child syndrome? Perhaps. A little OCD? Yeah..maybe. I like things to go the way I have PLANNED, the way I foresee them, the way I WANT them to go. My intentions are good but there is one problem:
I am not the one in control. I won't ever be.
I spent the morning at the temple yesterday. I was at peace for the first time in quite sometime. I want to record a few things I learned:
* If I was in control I wouldn't ever be able to learn the things that my Heavenly Father needed me to learn. Hello? You think I would have figured that one out by now! I guess it is one of those lessons you have to learn over and over.....or I do anyway.
* When I am not enough, Christ can make up the difference. He is aware of my limitations but it is after ALL I CAN DO, he will compensate. I think that sense of falling short or falling down is a natural part of life but I need to believe that it is after all I can do, he will fill that which is empty, and straighten those bent parts and make my weaknesses become strengths.
* When I am not enough, Christ can make up the difference. He is aware of my limitations but it is after ALL I CAN DO, he will compensate. I think that sense of falling short or falling down is a natural part of life but I need to believe that it is after all I can do, he will fill that which is empty, and straighten those bent parts and make my weaknesses become strengths.
* I am loved. I have an incredible family and extended family. I have seen the people that I love rally around my little family. It reminds me of a few years ago when we had to go through the nightmare of Nathan's brain tumor. Even though that experience terrified me, I was immediately comforted and humbled by the prayers and the constant outpouring of love on our behalf. It was a humbling experience to say the least. I can always find so much needed strength from my family. They mean EVERYTHING and more to me.
*I know where fear comes from and I am done being scared. It takes a LOT of faith to realize that I can't do everything on my own. I'm slowly learning to trust in the Lord completely and just let go of the control. I know that if I do that and if I lean on Him for support, then I will be able to deal with this trial and any others that will surely come our way.
Goodbye fear.....Hello Disneyland.
*I know where fear comes from and I am done being scared. It takes a LOT of faith to realize that I can't do everything on my own. I'm slowly learning to trust in the Lord completely and just let go of the control. I know that if I do that and if I lean on Him for support, then I will be able to deal with this trial and any others that will surely come our way.
Goodbye fear.....Hello Disneyland.
2 comments:
Well said, sista. (from a fellow control freak) Have a blast, you never know what may be waiting at home when you get back. I'll keep praying :)
You made me cry. I love you Staci. I'm starting to get nervous about Henrys M.R.I. and even though I tell myself it is o.k. not to be able to know his future, I liked hearing it from you. Hope you are having fun on your trip.
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