Worry

 I've been all about the good quotes the past few days. Yes, every day feels about 3 years long as we continue to wait and wait and wait to hear on the status of our home. I thought for absolute sure things would resolve by today but here we are...it's Wednesday and we still continue to wait. Worry really does keep you busy doing nothing so I have really had to try...or should I say I have really had to FORCE myself to keep busy and keep on living life in the meantime.

I signed the older 2 boys up for tennis lessons this week and they are loving it. They want me to sign them up next week as well.

 My friend Sharla took me to get a pedicure which was so wonderful. I have my mothers horribly callused feet which was really embarrassing but they do look a million times better now. I've got some pretty awesome friends.

 Yesterday I took the kids over to the lake for the day. I tried so hard to just relax but the knot in my stomach is lingering. I feel like a "worry volcano." I'll erupt, then calm down for awhile but then things slowly heat up again and then once again I am a ball of nerves and anxiety ready to explode. One of my closest friends called me yesterday to tell me she had just lost her baby. She was 8 weeks pregnant. I am heartsick for her. Feeling so upset for her magnified my own emotions which was even more difficult to deal with. Life is just downright hard sometimes. Watching my belly move and jump with a very active little boy absolutely inside tore me up. I kept singing the song "Count your many blessings" over and over in my mind. Even though this experience is difficult, I am reminded that no pain that we suffer no trial that we experience is ever wasted. I'm trying to learn what it is that I need to from all of this.

 I love this little girl of mine. She reminds me constantly that I am very blessed.

Today we picked up some Lucy's NY style pizza and met Dad over at his office for lunch. 

Afterwords we stopped in at the new candy store that just opened in downtown IF. It's not nearly has awesome as the one near Grandma Rock's house but the boys loved it anyway. Hey, candy is candy. 

 We'll just "keep on swimming" for the time being.

Life in limbo

Just in case you are ever thinking about MOVING, CHANGING JOBS, BEING PREGNANT while already HAVING a BABY, and keeping  three other kids on the side alive.....let me be the first person to advise you NOT to do it.

I'm pretty sure yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Things with the new house have been absolutely horrible as issues with our loan keep looming around due to Nate changing jobs. Bad news followed by more bad news. Here we are on July 27th.....2 months later than what we anticipated as our move in date. It's funny how we try to move up in the world and do things for the betterment of ourselves and our family yet we are being "punished" for it in a sense. Things are so much more complicated now with all of the loan changes in our country. I swear, the first time we bought a house it was like, "Hey, you're alive, you have a job, you know how to sign your name, you're approved!" We are continuing to wait for final approval so we can move into this house that I've been dreaming about for the past 8 months. I finally cracked. I had a full fledged panic attack yesterday. It was so scary. I don't remember too much. I was crying, sweating, couldn't breath, my heart was racing. Debilitating worry is scary. Motivation is lost and my whole body aches. I don't want to talk about it with anyone yet it is the one thing that every single person asks me about. I don't want to be with friends, go to church, walk around the neighborhood, answer the phone because it is all I hear about all day long, "Hey, haven't you guys moved yet?" "Are you guys still moving?" It becomes even more scary when I think about the fact that this level of stress is not good for our unborn baby. The latest news is that we should hear something Monday......we shall see though. I find it hard to believe anything or anyone anymore.

I hate this summer. I hate it with a passion that I cannot express. I usually live for these carefree warm summer days and all I can think about is when it can all be over. I can't wait for the kids to go back to school. I just want to move. I just want to settle into my new house. I just want to start wrapping my mind about this little boy coming into our home in just a few short months. I need things to quit being in a state of limbo. I NEED a fresh start.

I'm feeling a bit better today. After a priesthood blessing, a funny movie, an amazing support system (in my husband), a date night, some retail therapy and a much needed one hour prenatal massage we will carry on. We will because we have to.....even though sometimes life just sucks.

Quick Boise Trip

Last week we ventured over to Boise for a few days. Grandma EE came up and we decided to take the longer more scenic way over. We stopped at Craters of the Moon and the First Nuclear Power Plant. 

It ended up taking us about 7 hours to get over there. Phew! LONG drive!

The next day we headed up to the lake so Mr. Parker could wake board to his little hearts content. That kid in is a RUSH to master this wake boarding thing! He wants to show his Uncle what he can do in a year from now once he gets home from his mission!

Saturday I was able to meet up with some of my girlfriends for lunch which was so much fun. Later that night we met up and headed over to Roaring Springs for family night. I'm SO glad I went with some friends because I couldn't go on any of the slides so the boys had people to go with. They had a great time. I left Anna with my mom which was very nice too.

Museum of Clean

Yesterday Jessi and I wanted to take the kids swimming somewhere. Apparently "swimmers itch" has broken out at a couple of the local lakes so we're avoiding that like the plague. After looking outside and seeing a nasty storm roll in we decided to head down to Pocatello and try out Don Aslett's Museum of Clean. I had heard that this museum what really incredible but hadn't ever taken the time to go. It was phenomenal. Seriously...if I had only know it was this cool.

We spent 2.5 hours there but could have easily stayed all afternoon. We will be going back for sure.We learned about all sorts of things......vacuums, washers, dryers, toilets, brooms, tubs,  I even met Don Aslett himself! He asked me if I liked to clean. I told him that I probably would like it a little bit more once we moved into our new house next week. He told me to wait for a second and then he gave me one of his his books as a housewarming gift. Seriously nice guy. Seriously fun day.

 The kids got to dress up and learn about the lives of chimney sweeps!