Butterflies and Houses

What a crazy couple of days. Sunday I broke the news to the Young Women. It was so incredibly difficult I can't even think about it without tearing up again. My lesson was all about the changes that happen in our lives. I compared change to the changes that happen to a butterfly. Just like caterpillars, we too have to experience changes and trials in life. Change…whether internal or external, whether spiritual or physical—can make us more beautiful. We also talked about the things that we can do to help make changes more bearable and how we can prepare for them becuase no matter what, they happen to EVERYONE.

I made some pretty cute handouts too.

Got me some cute fabric:

Cut some cute butterflies, sewed 3 together at time, starched the fabric, crumpled the butterlifes and glued some cute buttons on the clothespins: (Sigh....I SO need a baby girl)

On the back I added a tag that said:
"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." I wanted the girls to pin their butterflies in their rooms somewhere to remember our lesson. I think it went well....I hope it did anyway.

Yesterday Nate and I did a quick trip to Idaho Falls for a quick home hunting excursion. We had one small co pilot in the back with us. He was SO good...especially since he was in that carseat pretty much the entire day.

I thought for sure I knew which house we were going to go with before we got there. Here was a picture of it:

It's totally my style right? It even LOOKS a little bit like my house now. Things aren't always what they seem though. The problems with this house included:
1. Too small. Yeah, it has a unfinished basement but even with the basement DONE it was still only a little bit bigger then our home right now. I was envisioning the LONG winters with us all squished in this house. :-(
2. No storage space. One teeny closet downstairs....not going to cut it.
3. Next to an very busy street.
4. No fence in the backyard.

Busy street + No fence= brain damage for an overly anxious mom

5. The last problem with the house was the breaking point for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate animals but I do hate ANIMAL STINK. The house reaked of DOG. I saw a pee stain on the carpet and THEN.........I couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw it:

Yep....a free roaming TURTLE in the house. Pooping and peeing at free will all over the house.

DEALBREAKER.

The good news is I think we found a house. It isn't new. It isn't fancy. It has plenty of room for my wild and crazy boys. It has 5 bedrooms, a craft room, a huge food storage room, a big playroom downstairs, and a big backyard. Best part of it is.....it's so affordable.

Wanna see it? Yeah....I knew you did.

Here is the outside:

And here is the kitchen:

Not a huge of fan of the white appliances. We have lots of painting to do but HEY, I won't have any friends...I'll have plenty of time for that!

As we drove back from Idaho Falls last night and saw the lights of Boise on the horizon Nate and I both had a mini meltdown. It's so hard to come back home to a HOUSE you absolutely LOVE in a PLACE that you love even more.

Random

I feel like my mind is racing a bazillion miles an hour. Suddenly we are confronted with SO many decisions. I thought after Nate actually received a job that things would get easier.
WRONG.
where will we live, can we sell our house, buy or rent, when do we tell the boys, which school districts are best, how will we move, when will we move, how long will we have to be apart, how can I break the news to the young women, how can I comfort my parents, will my kids be okay, will I be okay, will the people in Idaho Falls like us, will the community even compare to how great we have it right now, what will the ward be like, what do you do for fun over there, is Idaho Falls as awful as people say it is, .......

I need an OFF switch, or something else to think about.

Hey, guess what? I got a new camera.

Here are a couple of shots from the last week or so. I have a TON to learn about cameras. Guess I'll have PLENTY of time to read the 400 page guide once we get over to eastern Idaho.

Here is Landon on his scooter. He is pretty amazing on that little thing.

Here is Parker riding through the park on his bike:

And here he is crashing:

I just realized he isn't wearing a helmet. Who's kid is this again? Surely the son of a bike riding fanatic KNOWS to always wear a helmet!

Speaking of bike riding fanatics, here is a picture of Nate on a time trial bike. He had me take a ton of pictures of him so he could be properly "fitted" on it.

Here is my Dallin boy with his Easter basket. That kid is so easy to please. A few chocolates and a kite and the kid is thrilled:

Lastly, here is a picture of Landon with his best friend Daxton. Aren't they so cute?

Big Changes

A dear friend of mine brought me some delicious chocoloate chip cookies a few months ago. (She could tell I was having a really crappy day.) Along with the cookies was a quote that I immediately put on my refrigerator. I wanted it to be in a place where I could read it every single day.

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us...if we put our trust in Him, if we pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings. He will hear our prayer."
                                                            
                                                       President Gordon B. Hinckley

I know I have been heard. The tender mercies of the Lord have been shown to me again and again. Even though I may not completely understand the course our lives are about to take I am at peace knowing that there is a reason for everything that happens in life.

As terrifying as it is for me to realize that I am going to have to leave the place I have called "home" for the majority of my life, my parents and my brother, my absolutely incredible friends, my beautiful home, the Young Women who I love, and the entire life that we have created here in Boise......I'm ready for the next chapter. (Or at least I can say I'm working on it)

Brace yourselves Idaho Falls........here comes the Starnes Family.

Cali FERN ia!

Califernia...that is what Landon calls California. It's sounds so cute coming from his mouth we opted not to correct him!

Wow...what a magical, fantastic, amazing, exactly what we needed week! We had SO much fun we just didn't want it to end! I have the most incredible family. We had so much fun spending time together and of course the cousins loved being together. Here we go.....the Calfernia recap. (And THIS is the cliff notes version!)

We started out on Monday spending the day at the BEACH! It was 85 degrees, sunny and absoluely perfect. The boys had such a great time I wish I could even put into words how fun it was to watch them play in the ocean waves and getting FILTHY in the sand! It was so relaxing to lay out in the warm sunshine!

Day 2 was spent at the Wild Animal Park. It was another perfect day out and the kids loved seeing the animals...especially feeding the birds, watching the shows, and riding the tram out to see all of the free range animals.

Day 3 was spent at my favorite place: SEA WORLD! I think I had more fun watching the faces of my kids then I did watching the Shamu show. They were completely MESMORIZED. We stayed at Sea World from OPEN to CLOSE!

Last the best of all the game DISNEYLAND!!!

We crammed a TON into one day at Disneyland! Dallin and Parker BOTH went on Space Mountain, the Matterhorn, AND Thunder Mountain! I was impressed...pretty sure I didn't go on those rides when I was 5 or 7!!

We went to the Character Breakfast which was SO much fun. The kids got to see a ton of characters and they would come around and sign their autograph books. It was awesome!

We rode on Pirates, Buzz Lightyear, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Peter Pan, Dumbo, Autotopia, Space Mountain, Star Tours, Thunder Mountain, Small World, and the Matterhorn. We were actually riding on the Matterhorn WHILE the evening  fireworks were going off! It was so cool ripping down the mountain and having fireworks shooting off RIGHT next to us! AMAZING.

We had 8 kids with us 7 and under in age..and we didn't LOSE anybody! Pretty amazing considering we have quite a few "easily distracted" kiddos with us!! We played really hard and we came back to the hotel very TIRED every night! Thank you Starnes crew! We'll remember this trip forever!!

I heart lobster.

Lobster....I love you. We don't eat you very often...only for special occasions.

Nate promised me when he got a new job we would go out for a yummy lobster dinner.

We got some awesome news as we started our venture down to California.

Look what we're eating tonight:

Details later....

Letting it go

Well, we've made it through 10 days with everyone at home. We are all doing some adjusting you could say.

I've had an extremely emotional week. I've been sad, very angry, irritated beyond belief, frustrated, upset, anxious, and stressed.  I've also been hopeful and maybe even a little bit excited about whatever the Lord has in store for us.

It has taken me 28 years to figure out......I am a control freak. Oldest child syndrome? Perhaps. A little OCD? Yeah..maybe. I like things to go the way I have PLANNED, the way I foresee them, the way I WANT them to go. My intentions are good but there is one problem:

I am not the one in control. I won't ever be.

I spent the morning at the temple yesterday. I was at peace for the first time in quite sometime. I want to record a few things I learned:

* If I was in control I wouldn't ever be able to learn the things that my Heavenly Father needed me to learn. Hello? You think I would have figured that one out by now! I guess it is one of those lessons you have to learn over and over.....or I do anyway.

* When I am not enough, Christ can make up the difference. He is aware of my limitations but it is after ALL I CAN DO, he will compensate. I think that sense of falling short or falling down is a natural part of life but I need to believe that it is after all I can do, he will fill that which is empty, and straighten those bent parts and make my weaknesses become strengths.

* I am loved. I have an incredible family and extended family. I have seen the people that I love rally around my little family. It reminds me of a few years ago when we had to go through the nightmare of Nathan's brain tumor. Even though that experience terrified me, I was immediately comforted and humbled by the prayers and the constant outpouring of love on our behalf. It was a humbling experience to say the least. I can always find so much needed strength from my family. They mean EVERYTHING and more to me.

*I know where fear comes from and I am done being scared. It takes a LOT of faith to realize that I can't do everything on my own. I'm slowly learning to trust in the Lord completely and just let go of the control. I know that if I do that and if I lean on Him for support, then I will be able to deal with this trial and any others that will surely come our way.

Goodbye fear.....Hello Disneyland.

Calling it like it is!

My parents are getting a new roof on their house. They are replacing the 15 year old wood shake shingles and getting some more durable, less flammable, lifelong shingles. It has been a huge undertaking and the men have been working now for a couple of weeks so we've avoided going over there because it is a major construction area.

Then roofers are some pretty SCARY looking guys. There are a lot of long scragilly beards and missing teeth to say the least. Most of them are ex convicts and drug addicts.

Landon and I stopped by last week. As we approached the house some of the men started waving and smiling.

Landon's response: "Look MOM! REAL PIRATES!"

St. Patty's

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm usually a pretty big holiday person but I guess I've just had too many other things going on to make it much of a priority this year. I actually FORGOT it was St. Patrick's day until about noon. (If Dallin hadn't been off track there is no way we would have forgotten!) As soon as I remembered though we all changed our clothes and rocked some green attire. We also ate lunch on some green plates that we had left over from Parker's army man party. I opted not to do the green food coloring thing. I can hardly get my kids to eat food when it is NORMAL in color.

Here are a couple of pictures from our Young Women's "Green Party" we had a few weeks ago. We had all green veggies and treats and we made some homemade easter baskets out of balloons and string.

I'll try to step it up for Easter. I'm pretty sure the kids would notice if the Easter Bunny was a no show!

Idaho Falls

We had a quick weekend over in Idaho Falls. It was fun to spend some time with my brother. He came down from Rexburg to join us for a late night swim and dinner. We went to see the temple and enjoyed eating at Cafe Rio and Leatherby's. YUM!

The funniest part of the trip was when we were sitting there eating Leatherby's with my brother and my sister texted us telling us she was in UTAH with my grandparents eating Leatherby's. She was trying to "rub it in" by sending us a picture with her big ice cream sundae. We texted her a picture right back with all of us enjoying our Leatherby's. What are the odds of us BOTH eating at Leatherby's at the exact SAME time? Too funny.

Here are the pictures from the texts we sent back and forth:

If you give a boy named Dallin a workbook.....

If you offer to give a boy named Dallin a workbook, he is going to want to go to Costco to pick it out himself. When you get to Costco, he'll probably try to get you to buy him all the workbooks that the store has to offer. When you tell him no (becauase he has already completed most of the workbooks there) he will smile and say, "But I can just do the same workbooks over again!" When you get home and open the drawer that houses the workbooks you'll realize its probably time to get rid of some of the old completed ones because the drawer can hardly shut. When you start piling up all of the workbooks that Dallin has completed over the last two years you'll realize that perhaps Dallin isn't a normal kid. Then, as you start to  throw some of the old ones away, you'll start to feel a little bit of GUILT because you feel like you are throwing away some of the material things that remind you of Dallin as a little boy doing the things he loves to do. When you come up with the idea of taking a picture of Dallin with all of his books to remember all of the thousands of pages he has completed, you will feel better. After you have decrapified the workbook drawer you will set Dallin's new workbook in the clean empty drawer and think to yourself, "My little boy isn't so little anymore." So, you look forward to all of the new things that he will learn as newer and more difficult workbooks will slowly fill the drawer again. And chances are, when  Dallin sees the newly emptied drawer he will say, "We should go to Costco again so I can pick out some more workbooks."

Caught in a world of "in-between"

I feel like I'm caught in an "in-between" funk everywhere I turn.

For example, is it winter or spring around here? One day it is almost 60 degrees out and the next it is snowing! Do I leave the winter coats out or do I start tracking down all of the short sleeves again?

Should I be happy or sad that my entire family will be home starting next week? Dallin is off track and Nate will be continuing the job hunt from home. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging with my family but this is REALLY going to throw my routine for a loop.

I have all of these lofty goals as far as continuing to decorate my home.....but do I really want to do them if we end up having to move in a few months?

We've been planning on going to Disneyland with Nate's family since last summer. Now that the time is near is it really a smart and fiscally responsible decision to just leave and venture down to the "happiest place on earth" when it feels like we're carrying the entire "weight of the earth" on our shoulders?

And lastly (and LEAST importantly), What exactly am I doing with my hair? Should I just chop it all off again or do I continue to strive for those long locks that I thought I missed so much.

Too much up in the air for me to handle. I think I'll just flip a coin and resolve hair issue.

As for the rest......I'll just go downstairs and enjoy a big bowl of ice cream. :)

Mr. Fairness

Life is full of challenges and I know we'll get through this particular trial eventually. We have each other and together "We can do hard things."
My theme as of late has been "Doubt not fear not." I will continue to do just that. I'll continue to focus on the GOOD things. After all, we are very blessed.

Case and point...Dallin was "Student of the Week" last week. He received this honor because he has exemplified "fairness" at school. (Dallin........really? Fairness.......hmmmmmm. I don't think his younger brothers would agree but OK, we'll take it! :)

We put together a bulletin board that let all of the kids know a little more about Dallin. Things like how many siblings he has, favorite color, sports, etc. Of course there was a picture of a Little Caesars Pizza and a doughnut. Dallin and junk food go hand in hand. It amazes me he has yet to get ANY cavities.

At the end of the week each student in his class wrote a paragraph about Dallin. It is spiral bound and is DEFINATELY going in the memory box. Here were some of my favorite things (and strange things) that Dallin's peers said about him (spelling is unaltered):

Dear Dallin:

*You are extreemelee nice, cool, awsome and good at school work. You are a mathimatick becuase you are smart in math. -Josh

*You are good at football. you are the best stoodent in the class. -Isaac

*You are cute and you are as cool as me. -Brendon

*you are so nice and you smile alot. You are very kind and you are my best friend. You play with everyone. -Mia

*You'r the best friend ever. You always make people smile and your always involving everyone...even unicorns. -Hailey (Ummmm.....huh???)

*I think that you are good at math. You are a great friend. I like your actshins in class. I reelly hope you are in my class next year. -Annalee (The VALENTINE Annalee....I'm sure Dallin is hoping she is in his class as well, wink wink)

*You are the best worker in class and you are good at football and fast. Your nice and funny and a awesome friend. -Matt

(And then there is my ALL time favorite): *You are so nice I am going to make you a superhero. Together we will rule the galaxy as father and son. You are nice. You are cool and awesome. -Matthew

I'm proud of my Dallin. He is smart, sensitive, and he works very hard. I'm sure at times he thinks it isn't FAIR that he has to put up with me as his mom!

Stress

I used to think I knew what stress was. Stress was raising 3 boys, taking care of a house, car problems, trying to keep up with my calling, keeping my family fed, getting my kids to their various activities, and feeling overwhelmed from time to time with my roles as a wife and a mom.

Over the last 3 months I have experienced new level of stress. This is the kind of stress that keeps me from sleeping at night, robs me of my motivation, hurts me when I wake up in the morning. It has made me cry almost every day and has taken my anxiety level through the roof.

My husband is losing his job. He has 7 days left until he is officially unemployed.

And you know what? I can't do anything about it. I can't fix the problem. Me stressing about it isn't going to make it go away. I can't keep living in the past and wishing so badly to know the future all while I am missing today. I'm neglecting MY job, MY responsibilities all because of something that I can't control.

Tonight I am priorotizing. I am setting down the burdens that have weighed so heavily on me for the past few months and I am going to step back and see what I CAN do. I'm refocusing on making sure that things are straight in my own home and in my soul. Then I fold my two arms and kneel on my two knees and use my one brain and one heart to call for help. I will put my burdens down at the feet of one greater than I. And I will rest my heart knowing ...I am not alone.

Parker quote of the day

Parker: "Mom, when are you going to stop being allergic to cats?"

Me: "Well honey.....I don't think I will ever NOT be allergic to cats."

Parker (to Dallin with a twinkle in his eye): "Hey, I know....we can get a cat when mom dies!"

Nice to know I can be replaced so easily by a furball.