Just in case you are ever thinking about MOVING, CHANGING JOBS, BEING PREGNANT while already HAVING a BABY, and keeping three other kids on the side alive.....let me be the first person to advise you NOT to do it.
I'm pretty sure yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Things with the new house have been absolutely horrible as issues with our loan keep looming around due to Nate changing jobs. Bad news followed by more bad news. Here we are on July 27th.....2 months later than what we anticipated as our move in date. It's funny how we try to move up in the world and do things for the betterment of ourselves and our family yet we are being "punished" for it in a sense. Things are so much more complicated now with all of the loan changes in our country. I swear, the first time we bought a house it was like, "Hey, you're alive, you have a job, you know how to sign your name, you're approved!" We are continuing to wait for final approval so we can move into this house that I've been dreaming about for the past 8 months. I finally cracked. I had a full fledged panic attack yesterday. It was so scary. I don't remember too much. I was crying, sweating, couldn't breath, my heart was racing. Debilitating worry is scary. Motivation is lost and my whole body aches. I don't want to talk about it with anyone yet it is the one thing that every single person asks me about. I don't want to be with friends, go to church, walk around the neighborhood, answer the phone because it is all I hear about all day long, "Hey, haven't you guys moved yet?" "Are you guys still moving?" It becomes even more scary when I think about the fact that this level of stress is not good for our unborn baby. The latest news is that we should hear something Monday......we shall see though. I find it hard to believe anything or anyone anymore.
I hate this summer. I hate it with a passion that I cannot express. I usually live for these carefree warm summer days and all I can think about is when it can all be over. I can't wait for the kids to go back to school. I just want to move. I just want to settle into my new house. I just want to start wrapping my mind about this little boy coming into our home in just a few short months. I need things to quit being in a state of limbo. I NEED a fresh start.
I'm feeling a bit better today. After a priesthood blessing, a funny movie, an amazing support system (in my husband), a date night, some retail therapy and a much needed one hour prenatal massage we will carry on. We will because we have to.....even though sometimes life just sucks.
4 comments:
Mama Mia that is alooooot going on! Good luck! (Have you seen the Most Exotic Marigold Hotel? It's the cutest movie, super feel-good with a great quote: "Everything is all right in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.")
Love ya Staci! Praying for you, your fam, and that sweet baby boy!
I am so sorry Stac. I hope everything works out ok today. We will be waiting to hear.
Building a house and moving is the worse. I've been having a rough couple of months myself going through it all and have been thinking (parts) of my life stink. But reading this his made me realize that I only have 2 kids, am not pregnant, and did get to move in the last 3 weeks. So I guess I need to stop my griping!! Even though "it can always be worse," it doesn't necessarily mean it's easy when you're the one living through it. Glad you're weekend got a little better. Nate is always there for you :) I hope that things start heading up, and remember how strong you are!! You're an amazing person Staci.
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